How My Fears of Writing Held Me Back From Experiencing Gods Plan For Me

oice shakes by Throwing Pinecones

I have always been a woman who prides herself in being bold, in saying the hard things and taking the road less traveled. Roughly two years ago, God called me to do exactly that by starting a blog. My charge was to help women discover what being a strong, bold and gentle Daughter of God is. To show His undying love and to boldly proclaim His gospel. I remember setting up my WordPress site and being so psyched to get started. I started my blog, with very little success, and instantly became discouraged. I felt so very inadequate and embarrassed, part of me still does.

I was awful at posting regularly, I didn’t have very developed content, I was new to the blogging world and, on top of it all, I was terrible with punctuation and spelling. Terrible. I would have such a great message to deliver, words and thoughts God had placed strongly on my heart to share, but I’d get tripped up by the details of it all. I felt as though I had a writers stutter. With every post I was fearful that my errors would detract from God’s bigger message. To top it all off, two years later, all of these things still ring true. So, I simply stopped writing as much; I stopped caring.

I was inspired to my very core by the charge God has placed on my heart but I was too discouraged and frustrated for it to matter. I would dabble in blogging, posting a few random posts here and there, after suddenly finding my inspiration again. Then, just as fast as I found inspiration to start I would lose it. I was too embarrassed to even talk about my blog. Instead, I just wallowed in my failure and felt as though I had let God down in a very big way.

Then, I read some uplifting words from a memoir about the band U2 called Walk On the Spiritual Journey of U2. The author, Steve Stockman, writes that in his first few albums Bono admits that hadn’t really developed the art of songwriting. Stockman goes on to say that “…in U2’s early albums he was able to reach deep within himself and find lyrics that expressed what his peers were experiencing. It was the honesty more than his literary ability that made Boy (U2’s first album) so endearing.”

These words are such an inspiration to me. They bring me hope and give me courage. They remind me that God is so much bigger than my sentence structure and misspellings. God has given me the message and it is my job as His daughter to share it, however nervous I may be. I need to be proud of my calling, to find my confidence in Christ alone and allow Him to pave the way.

The sad truth is that all too often the paragraph above is the end of the message. We learn something, we see the error, find the hope only God can give and then we stop. As if everything is fixed. It’s not. Knowing there is a problem, even seeing the hope and blessings that come from the problem, is not enough. Although I have full faith that God will make His message heard through the words He has given me, the book of James tells us that faith without deeds is dead. I need to follow through. There must be action. I need to cling to Christ, practice writing, ask for help, humble myself and be willing to learn.

This learning process takes a courage unlike any other. To admit that you are broken, and ask for healing and help is a difficult job. Especially when you are embarrassed or ashamed. In the same way I trust God to shine His message through my brokenness, I also trust in God to help heal my brokenness and abolish my fears.

“He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.” Psalm 147:3

While I don’t think that my simple literary errors are quite extreme enough to be considered “brokenhearted”, I also understand that fear is not quiet. It does not stand idly by, it quickly grows and becomes overwhelming. Because my darling, fear is a liar. It grips your core and shakes your faith, killing your passions and dreams. Yes, for now this fear of mine seems small, but any fear that gets in the way sharing God’s love is a fear worthy of battling fiercely.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

 


 

What are the fears holding you back from sharing your story? Face those fears head on and submit your story to The Rubies Project. I believe God created your story with such intention.  And, my darling, God does not create worthlessness!

Sharing the stories of ordinary women to make and extraordinary impact for Christ.

The Rubies Project

 

Throwing Pinecones Shop + Blog
(click logo above or open the sidebar to learn more about Throwing Pinecones)

The Rubies Project

The Rubies Project Cover Photo

Remember when I was giddy with excitement about all the new things happening around Throwing Pinecones? Well this is the big one ladies! It has been on my heart for a while to create a safe place for women to ask the tough questions and get the real answers. A place where women can share their stories big and small all for the glory of God and The Rubies Project is just that!

My goal for The Rubies Project is for ordinary women to make an extraordinary impact. You don’t have to rid the world of hunger, save hundreds of lives or start a groundbreaking foundation to make an impact. You, just you, living your life, loving your maker and making His name known have an effect on this world that is truly extraordinary.

The thing is I NEED your help! Head over to The Rubies Project page (found in my sidebar above) to learn more about my mission and how to get involved. I will need women from every stage of life, photographers, partners and friends help to make The Rubies Project come to life. I strongly believe that this is something worth your time, that through The Rubies Project you can make an extraordinary impact for Christ and in the lives of women everywhere.

Subscribe to The Rubies Project campaign to learn more about how to get involved with The Rubies Project.

You will receive four short emails (1 per day) telling you how to you to submit your photos and stories, how to help promote The Rubies Project and how to Partner with The Rubies Project.

I will be launching these emails on April 20th, 2015. Every subscriber after that will begin to receive the emails after they subscribe.

Throwing Pinecones Shop + Blog
(click logo above or open the sidebar to learn more about Throwing Pinecones)

Lately + About Me

Hello friends! I thought I would share one thing about my past, present and future and I would just LOVE it if you would do the same in the comments below. That way we can all get to know each other a bit more! Fun idea, right!?

PAST // In high school I was the captain of the girls wrestling team and enjoyed every single minute of it! When I started there was only a few girls (seriously, only three of us) and by the time I graduated we had a team of about 12 girls. I loved wrestling, and I often think about getting back into it. I would love to coach a high school girls wrestling team.

PRESENT // Brian and I are working really had at being more involved with our church, creating relationships and being bold. We have started attending a married couple bible study and are going to a men’s/women’s group. Already I have seen a change. As we surround ourselves with people who love God I can see our love for God grow too, it’s really beautiful. Though, if I am honest, it has also been really difficult. Creating relationships is not my strong suit, I am learning so much!

FUTURE // In just 3 1/2 short months Brian and I are moving to Portland! WAHOO! I seriously can not wait. We will be attending Multnomah University. It is a bible college in downtown Portland and I am basically giddy about it. I will be studying bible/theology and Brian will be double majoring with psychology + bible/theology.

Now it’s your turn! Share something about your past, present and future in the comments below and let’s grow as a community of women devoted to making Christ known!

Throwing Pinecones Shop + Blog
(click logo above or open the sidebar to learn more about Throwing Pinecones)

SUSCRIBE to Throwing Pinecones Monthly

New Things are Brewing

new things are brewing

Ladies, some big things are happening here at Throwing Pinecones. I can hardly contain myself! One of those big things is the launching my my monthly newsletter! I have been listening to Kat Lee’s podcast How They Blog and after listening I felt so encouraged to create a newsletter. With Kat’s encouragement I have been working hard behind the scenes (and therein neglecting to post on any sort of regular basis. oops.) to get it up and running, but I finally have!

My goal for Throwing Pinecones Monthly is to empower a community of women to cultivate a relationship with God that is undaunted by fear or failure. It is a place where I raise my right hand and promise never to spam you or annoy you; to be open and honest; to to always give you my best work and most importantly to show you God’s love in the best way that I know how. My prayer is that through Throwing Pinecones Monthly you will be encouraged to dig deeper in your relationship with Christ and grow in His love.

Each email will include a bit about me and my life lately, a summary of posts, exclusive deals for my shop, ways to get involved and partner with Throwing Pinecones plus the occasional freebie! What’s not to like, right?

Please know that I appreciate every single subscriber. Every time someone subscribes I seriously do a little (okay, not so little) happy dance! You can join the Throwing Pinecones Community by clicking the link below.

SUSCRIBE to Throwing Pinecones Monthly

Throwing Pinecones Shop + Blog
(click logo above or open the sidebar to learn more about Throwing Pinecones)

Work hard, dear Sisters.

work hard dear sisters by ThrowingPinecones.com

If you are anything like me than creating new relationships is hard. My husband practically forced me to attend women’s group at my church and I am so very glad he did. I have only been to one meeting so far, but learned something so valuable in just that one little meeting.

One devotional question focused on whether or not our relationship with God is more so work or rest. Instantly I felt convicted.

My relationship with God feels more like work now. I am very much a to-do list kind of person and lately God has been on that list, not the reason for the list. This is a BIG issue, ladies.

I need to find rest in God, rest in the fact the war is already won, rest in the fact the HE IS RISEN and rest in knowing that he craves my love and attention. He wants me. (my dear friend Lilah wrote a beautiful post all about striving in the RUSH and in the REST, and it is beautiful!)

Although this is something I need to strive for, that is not what I learned. I learned that it is okay that sometimes our relationships feels like work. Because, dear sisters, IT IS WORK! All relationships take work, especially one with the creator of the universe.

Yes, it is so vital to rest in God, but it is okay if that takes work for a while. It is okay to feel like it’s a struggle. It is okay to have to force yourself to open his word, or to spend time in prayer. God sees your efforts and He appreciates them! The important thing to remember is to keep working at it!

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. Colossians 3:23-24

As Easter is tomorrow my prayer for you is that you remember how much hard work God did to build a relationship with you.

He sent His son, Jesus, down to earth, out of the comfort of His home, to invest in us. His plan was to teach us, to heal us and ultimately love us. Jesus built a group of friends whom he encouraged to share that same love God has for everyone to everyone. His goal was to build a nation of people soaked in kindness, goodness and generosity. His goal was to save us.

We are broken. Instead of receiving that love, we beat him, harassed him, ridiculed him and murdered a guiltless, sinless man in the most embarrassing way we knew how. But, He loved us despite our hatred.

Dead in a tomb, He was not done working. Three days later he came back to life! After paying the greatest price for our sins, God paved away for us to share His home with Him. He has invited us to stay forever. EVEN THOUGH WE HAD JUST KILLED HIS SON! He has worked hard to send out these invitations. And he is still working hard.

Think of all the things He has saved you from, think of all the lessons you have learned. God is still working hard to build a relationship with you! So, don’t be ashamed that building a relationship with Christ is hard, but take heart in knowing that He loves you to your core.

For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. Yet God freely and graciously declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins. For God presented Jesus as the sacrifice for sin. People are made right with God when they believe that Jesus sacrificed his life, shedding his blood. This sacrifice shows that God was being fair when he held back and did not punish those who sinned in times past, for he was looking ahead and including them in what he would do in this present time. God did this to demonstrate his righteousness, for he himself is fair and just, and he declares sinners to be right in his sight when they believe in Jesus. Romans 3:23-26

Throwing Pinecones Shop + Blog
(click logo above or open the sidebar to learn more about Throwing Pinecones)

What crying has taught me.

Never Be Ashamed of Your Tears //  words by Throwing Pinecones

I cry a lot. Or, at least it felt like a lot…

I felt as though I was at total surrender to my tears. I felt weak and insignificant. I would mop up my tears with my mascara stained hand as if I was trying to shove them back into my eyes.

I was tired of apologizing over and over because of how silly I felt for loosing control of my tear ducts. I tried to cope with how I deal with stress and anger through pages and pages of journal entires, but I just couldn’t. I would fall on my knees and beg God to just take them away from me, but He never did.

I remember getting scolded as a child for apologizing for crying so much, and it sent me into a frenzy! My parents were as confused as I was. I don’t blame them at all, we were all a mess.

I remember thinking about how I couldn’t wait to grow up, because I thought it would get better as I got older. How wrong was I!

I have spent several nights with my husband, Brian, crying over the silliest of things. But really, it didn’t matter whether the topic we were discussing was worthy of crying about or not, I still felt worthless.

Brian has never gotten angry at me for crying. He has never scolded me. He never bombarded me with questions, he understood something I never could. Sure he has been confused and felt a bit lost and asked me over and over “what’s wrong?”, but his wife is sitting in front of him crying her eyes out! I don’t blame him at all.

Brian would spend most of the time trying to reassure me of my value. He told me that even with eyeliner down to my chin I was beautiful. He told me that he will always love me and more importantly that God has always loves me, and always will. Despite my tears, and how insignificant I felt, he loved me to the core. He reminded me of my worth again and again. This is where healing began.

Brian has taught me something I believe my parents had always tried to. He taught me that crying is just a part of who I am, and that it is okay. I don’t need to apologize because of who I am. Of course God wasn’t going to take away my tears, he gave them to me.

He knew, even if not at first, that my tears are just how I cope with the ups and downs of life. It’s how I process, grieve and work through things. That is okay, there is value in that!

Brian takes the time to listen to me through my tears and confusion. He lets me talk it out and engages in that conversation. He let’s me grow through my tears.

As I have gotten older it has (finally) gotten easier, but not on my accord. While I was on my knees praying to God that He would take my tears away, He had a better plan.

A plan that would require me to be patient. A plan that would take time. A plan that would heal me in a way I never thought I would experience. He planned to give me Brian.

A man who IS patient, who takes the TIME and genuinely loves me for me, tears and all. A man who brings the focus back to God and back to his plans. A man who, even when he doesn’t understand a single thing that is going through my head, is willing to sit up with me until 2am to figure it out.

So, today I am grateful for my tears. I am grateful for this challenge and I am grateful for the God who gave them to me.

Life is tough ladies, we all know this to be true. Focus your efforts on God and I guarantee you, you won’t be disappointed you did.

Jesus loves you, Jesus wept and Jesus has been there – let him be there with you now.

Throwing Pinecones Shop + Blog
(click logo above or open the sidebar to learn more about Throwing Pinecones)

Shared Minute // Week 9

shared minute photo challenge

The idea behind Shared Minute is simple: to make this great big world just a bit smaller. It is about real lives influencing and inspiring real people. It is about living just one little minute in the life of another.

The Rules Guidelines

1) Set your alarms for just before 6:00 pm PST (consider your time zone!)

2) Snap a photo of whatever it is you’re doing. Washing the dishes after dinner? Giving your little one a bath? At work? Shopping? Doing school work? Whatever it is, share it!

3) Share it on Instagram using the hashtag #SharedMinute and tell us what you are up to that day!

Every week I will feature some of my favorite shared minutes here on Throwing Pinecones, giving YOU all the credit of course! If you are not already following me on Instagram you can find me @mrsdustyroad and keep up with the latest @SharedMinute.

Here are some of my favorites from this week! (click on the photo to see who it came from)

Shared MInute Photo Challenge by Throwing Pinecones-2 Shared MInute Photo Challenge by Throwing Pinecones-3 Shared MInute Photo Challenge by Throwing Pinecones-7  Shared MInute Photo Challenge by Throwing Pinecones-5 Shared MInute Photo Challenge by Throwing Pinecones-8 Shared MInute Photo Challenge by Throwing Pinecones-6 Shared MInute Photo Challenge by Throwing Pinecones-9 Shared MInute Photo Challenge by Throwing Pinecones

What do you say? Are you going to join #SharedMinute?

See you tonight at 6:00pm pst!

Shop + Blog
(click my logo to learn more about me!)